An affair to remember…

When will parents be thrilled at the idea of inter-caste marriage to the extent of bragging about it to their relatives?

Until my children?

Okay!

I’m not going to go into the history of the Indian caste system and tell you how thousands of people everyday are on the receiving end of unfathomable bias, because don’t you prefer a 1.5 hours Hollywood movie over a 3.5 hours Bollywood movie. I do!

Sometime last week, I made the mistake of telling my parents about my “affair” with a man belonging to another caste without drinking adequate water to compensate for the tears. Remember what Charlie Harper says in two and a half men – “dehydration is the enemy”. I told them on Tuesday, so practically nobody has slept for almost 10 days now.

It had all the elements of any Ekta Kapoor TV show minus the heavy jewelry, makeup and a kickass bungalow –

– everybody voicing their concerns at the same time
– tears flowing and accumulating on the freshly vacuumed floor
– dad pacing back and forth from time to time
– voices raising and sometimes hands.

I consider myself to be an understanding human always putting myself in other people’s shoes and empathizing with their situation (we need more people like me yawl). Granted, I should have sucked it up and expected some heat for apparently “shattering” the family’s legacy and “pulling the plug” on my parent’s future happiness but to be miserable after having actually seen my mom breakdown and cry in my arms is the unadulterated hard reality.

My dad tried it all. He started with an emotional pitch, then went on to social/cultural issues, slowly making his way to scientific studies (he’s a scientist, so duh!) and ending it with a sigh of disbelief.

To think that I have lived all these years inside a compressed bubble that allows only oxygen to get in and carbon dioxide to get out, and finally end up being labelled as an ungrateful daughter for eternity, helps me finally understand what YOLO really means. Do what you think is right, when you think is right and face the music if it backfires. Took me long enough!

Now time just stands still, refusing to move forward and provide clarity. Leaving early from work, which was once a boon now suddenly seems like a curse (but that doesn’t stop me sir, in case you’re reading this).

What’s funny is that although I have officially told them about my boyfriend-soon-to-be-husband/plus one, every time a conversation comes up about it, I have to reiterate the entire thing all over again. It’s like watching the same episode 5 times.

Anger, disappointment, betrayal, shame and (not really and, there’s so much more) resentment from parents should be easy to accept and forget as long as it’s all worth it and I get my regular happy endings 😉

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11 thoughts on “An affair to remember…

  1. What a coincidence? After 235 years I see your post 🙂

    Well glad to know you are alive and to let you know that I am. I had known never to share secrets with parents at the age of 7. From then I have only n-1 number of problems in my life.

    At this point, let me wish you all the luck. I hope you stay strong and not give up on what you feel is right, irrespective of whatever the society says. That’s what I feel and I am just sharing my opinion.

    Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey you! I am also glad to see you around again and really happy to know that you have found someone for yourself. Ahh the parents drama, its everywhere! Would be so ideal of they could just be happy for their children, without protecting their fears and anxieties on them. That’s going to take a while to happen! Anyways, I wish you luck, and stay strong, and if you need to vent, you have this space, and we’ll be around to listen 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This one hits home for me. It is so very difficult to make people understand. You have parents who will spend a fortune in their child’s education, to make them educated, independent. The moment said child (who is a grown up adult, capable of making his/her own decision, and can vote) starts seeing someone, the condition comes that “They should be of the same caste”. It does not make sense at all.

    And I have seen people say that yes, they’re our parents so we should do as they say.. Or they’ve spent so much money and efforts in raising us.. But that doesn’t mean that dictate every aspect of our life, right?

    I know how difficult it gets to take the stand that you’ve taken.. It is a very brave thing to do.. All the best 🙂

    Like

    • I so agree with you man. It’s very difficult for them to let go of their dreams that they kids get marry to someone in their cast and make babies who will then go on to marry someone in their cast and the dream thus continues until someone like you and me, take birth and burst that bubble. So It’s expected to get ugly, just need to have the will power to put your foot down when it counts.

      Like

  4. I can totally relate with you. I know what exactly comes blowing when the word “boyfriend” or “affair” comes up in a conservative middle class Indian family. The emotional atyachar is endless and the decor of the house is such that even a chicken wouldn’t want to come out of a shell!
    I would just say that I am happy for you that you found your special someone and would soon tie a knot with him 🙂 Stay strong and keep writing different episodes 😉 hahahaha…..

    Like

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