The big fat south Indian wedding (un)preparations – Part 2

Published earlier on 13/12/2014 – Went to draft by mistake.

Taking off from Part 1, where the astrologer has given his approval to take the proceedings further, in this post let’s talk about the actual big fat south Indian wedding (un)preparations.

The meet up –

A date is set keeping in mind the position of stars, tamil calendar and  of course the boy’s parent’s preferences. The venue can be either the girl’s house, where protocols such as serving filter coffee and falling to the floor to seek blessings of the potential in-laws are mandatory and is to be performed within the first 5 mins of arrival, failing which the girl will be labeled as an uncultured spoiled brat! Or it could be somewhere neutral, like a restaurant, where such a big deal is made about getting the girl and the boy to sit at a different table i.e. the table adjacent to where their parents are seated, that everyone at the restaurant knows that it is THE first meeting. AWKWARD!

As soon as they meet for the first time, it is as though they can hear a whisper in the background, “your time starts now!”.

– Time to evaluate each other;

– Time to find out if he has been getting it on the side;

– Time to find out if she can cook, clean and pole dance;

– Time to find out if he is gay, impotent or both.

The bonding –

Somehow, they find a mutual interest to fill the awkward silence with and talk about it at length during dinner. Topics to talk on would range from sports, music, movies to hobbies, dreams and net worth of his company as on that date (cha ching!). They exchange numbers before saying goodbye and then continue this “meaningful” conversation on WhatsApp. Mind you, as soon as the girl gives him her number, she immediately checks her WhatsApp display picture and changes it to something more attractive or “sexy”, by which I mean less clothes and more thighs.

WhatsApp, acting as a matrimonial medium allows both the individuals to learn more about each other every passing day. At least that is what they think. (Refer to my previous post – “Call me maybe”)

Now the parents are at their throats.

– “What do you think about him?”

– “Do you like her?”

– “Should we go ahead with this?”

And all they can say to answer those questions above is, “Please give me a little more time”.

There is a difference in the approach though. Girls, being the emotional fools here start to look at the guy as her husband from day 2 itself and starts equating anything and everything with him. For example –  saying things like, “So, Jurrasic World is releasing on May 11, right? I’ll be with my husband on my second honeymoon at the time”.

Since the pressure at home is increasing at a rapid pace and they, belonging to a conservative tambrahm family, where meeting more than twice is frowned upon or not advisable because it is perceived as a potential reason to break up, they come up with a collective strategy of saying something non-direct but positive at the same time. Although, given a few more days, both the girl and the boy give their consent to move forward.

The planning –

Things are going well. The parents decide on the engagement date and also the wedding date after consulting with their 100 year old pandit. The girl and boy exchange awkward glances, not knowing what is going through each other’s mind. Now commences the hall booking, jewelry shopping and back biting of in-laws a.k.a. the fun part in every girl’s life.

Considering that marriage preparations have to be made by the girl’s family, the girl’s father gets on the phone and starts booking everything – Marriage hall, decorator, photographer, caterer, beautician etc.

Meanwhile, the guy has a group of friends who are very close to him and he decides to set up a dinner with them to get their approval as well. The girl, being the outgoing person she is manages to win everyone’s heart and becomes a part of their group. They start talking on their WhatsApp group and the bonding thus begins.

The one sided love –

During this time of bonding, the girl really falls for the boy. She starts engaging more with his parents and does things outside her comfort zone just to please him. She becomes a girly girl and purchases outfits that she normally wouldn’t wear, she buys him something special for his birthday because she wants to see that one second of absolute happiness in his eyes. She tries to meet him every weekend. She does it all. And what does he do?

Everything is arranged. The engagement is just round the corner.  He starts getting cold feet.

– “What if I am not ready for this?”

– “Everything is happening so fast!”

– “I need more time.”

– “I don’t want to be unhappy through out my life and spoil her life.”

He asks himself such questions 3 days before the engagement. He even fights with his parents and ignores her calls through out that day. Then he breaks the news to her that he has been undergoing such mental trauma at home. She tries to convince him. She even guarantees a life of happiness, to which he only compliments her and says things like, “You’re  an amazing girl…if I was to get married to someone, it would be to someone like you….you tick mark all the criterion on my checklist etc etc, BUT I don’t think I (a 30 year old man) am ready to do this yet (after having consented for it at the beginning and leading you on for 3 straight weeks)”. There is nothing she can say or do that can change his mind and so the day comes when his mother contacts her father and tells him the most dreaded thing a girl’s father can ever hear – The wedding is called off.

The (un)preparations –

Tears flowing everywhere. Looks like a funeral house to a bystander. All the arrangements have to be (un)arranged and relatives have to be (un)invited.

The coping –

The next few days are the toughest, especially for the girl. She has to suddenly stop talking to him, suddenly stop seeing him, suddenly stop loving him.

PS – True story 😦

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