Pro-Tip #2 – What NOT to do at the movies.

I saw the movie Hercules today, which was AWESOME btw, but what struck me the most were the types of people around me and how annoying they can be (surprise surprise). This is not a movie review obviously, it is more like a movie watching experience review, so to say.

I make it a point to go to the movies every weekend, irrespective of new releases. That should qualify me and entitle me to write ‘movie buff’ on my resume under hobbies/interests/things your parents disapprove of (dad says, “why waste time when you could be reading about the many different ways of saving tax”). So yeah, coming back to the topic : What NOT to do at the movies –

1. Don’t be late – I like to be punctual. Well, scratch that, I like to be before time (learned that from my appa of course). So I plan my commute accordingly and reach the theater at least 10 minutes before time and take my seat (5 points to the dork). What I don’t appreciate is the 20 something year old guy and his “gang”, who decide to ruin the first 5 minutes of the movie by standing in front of me and flashing their fancy cell phones, trying to figure out their seat number and making their way to it, right when the gigantic lion takes a plunge on Hercules and the audience goes “whoa!” in chorus. STRIKE ONE.

2. Don’t bring your babies – These little people cry. Its not their fault actually. Parents who decide to get their babies to a movie like Hercules, where a strong-muscular-shirtless man is parading around in a cool head gear made of a lion’s head, where blood and death is a common sight, I have 2 questions for you – was your childhood so bad or do you intentionally want to scar your child for life??? Its not even a continuous ‘get it out of your system’ cry. It comes and goes and its annoying to the point that it makes you want to pull out your hair and stuff it in his/her mouth. STRIKE TWO.

3. Don’t sit next to me – I have the worst luck when it comes to people sitting next to me, so I resort to always booking the aisle seat. Easier to deal with one than two (I go alone to the movies because for the umpteenth time, I’m a loner). In all my years of watching movies, I have sat next to them all –
a) the stupid friend who requires an explanation for everything that has happened in the movie so far scene by scene .
b) the obese guy munching away into his 10 years of ragging and bullying that awaits him. Another addition to team forever alone.
c) couples who make out and don’t even have the courtesy to keep it quite. Its Hercules for Christ’s sake, not a Nicolas sparks book to movie adaptation. STRIKE THREE.

If you are a type described above, do us all a big favor and wait for the torrent of the movie to come out. Pretty please?

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