I feel trapped. Cornered in a dark place with the walls coming in.
I’m sure many of you have regretted certain decisions in life and only pretend to not give a single fuck about it to please your massive sized ego. But we all have our moments. Including me.
I have done things that have driven people away from me. I have been accused of suffocating the life out of someone with just a “hi”. There have been breakups, misunderstandings, blame game, rona dhona (crying), breakups, heated confrontations and did I say breakups! but at the end of the day, if you asked yourself, “was it all worth it?”, what would be your answer?
In my opinion, I think no relationship is worth losing. Period.
We, human beings are really funny species. We feel the need to please others and get their approval in everything we do. And when we don’t we hold a grudge against them, subconsciously attacking their every move.
I have lost many “BFFs'” and potential “BFFs'” in the past 2-3 years and I am unable to identify the root cause of it. I am the type of person who digs and analyses everything, till I find some logic or explanation for the events that have transpired that has led to the tragic ending, so not being able to locate the source fails to give me that closure that I desperately need to move on.
Was it me? Was it her? Was it us?
Questions I keep asking myself to which my answer most of the time is, “it’s gotta be her” (I too have a massive sized ego yawl!)
Its crazy the amount of effort that goes into creating a relationship, let alone get it to work for more than 10 minutes. And oh yeah having a loving, caring and never ending relationship with your parents doesn’t count because they are your parents. They have no choice.
I can’t speak for others but I am an extremist (in practically everything that gets my attention). To illustrate –
When I first signed up on Instagram, I must have uploaded like 30 pics in a span of 2 hours;
When I got into reading, I spent like 5 grand in a local book fair and bought novels that are eating dust as I type and realize what a fool I am;
When I joined twitter, I live tweeted every second of every English premier league game played for a period of 2 months. (Hash tag) loser.
I think I’ll stop now, you get the picture, right?
As for people –
If I care for someone I will smother them with love, compliments and expensive gifts (emphasis on expensive) ;
but if I start to dislike them, then they will be on the receiving end of “cerseiness” (and not just any cerseiness, the season 4 kind).
I don’t know but I have a feeling that this extreme nature of mine has been the cause of failed relationships but I don’t know right!
What’s the point of all these words, you ask??……
Well, you got me!!!
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