Preface – “Why am I an effing loser in life?”, “Why can’t I do one thing right?”, “Why does it have to be this hard always?” That’s me on a Saturday afternoon. And here’s why!
Ever wonder what I look like when I sit down to write a blog-post?
Yeah! I look like that but only prettier, at least I hope so.
Everyone has a process for everything. I, too have a comprehensive process, which I MUST go through before I can click the publish button and let the world know that the two hours I spent in my room with the door closed was not invested towards porn but this.
First up is self-doubt. During this time, I will be overwhelmed with feelings such as fear, anger, sadness, confusion, lack of self confidence etc etc. Everything good happening to my peers seems magnified at this stage. All my previously “okayish” written posts get labelled as – “you just got lucky with it”. There is absolutely nothing that I am positive about, except for the fact that I cannot write a post today. Getting words together in such a way that they make sense is not what I am striving for. Just like Matt Albie had a Harriet Hayes to impress (Studio 60 on the sunset strip), I have a few people of my own. To summarize – There are more chances of a plane, flying over CBD Belapur, crashing into my 3rd floor apartment bedroom because of some engine failure than the prospect of me, producing a decent post.
After a lot of self-bashing, when I finally get to the point where I believe I can’t get any worse, I go ahead and do this – I tell my friends that I am “planning” to write a post. And why do I do such a thing, you ask? It’s not just because I don’t get enough satisfaction from calling myself a loser and want more people doing that. It’s because I work (not work better, just work) under pressure. To summarize – This commitment of mine ensures that my failure is not only witnessed when the post is not published, but it’s also looked forward to.
I usually have a couple of tabs open all the time. They are pretty standard (Facebook, Twitter, Quora, Google, Hotmail). I keep switching between them for inspiration. If I’m in the mood to mock people (including myself – important for me to add here), which is pretty much always, I read my Facebook home feed. God knows how much I thank him on finding some of my friends online. I know I can find gold in the next 5 mins. Yes, 5 mins is all the time it takes for those people to do something stupid on Facebook and they do it, like clockwork. To summarize – I wait for an idea to hit me and until it does, I’m not the pleasant kind of specie you want to be around with.
Now that I know what to write about, the next 30 minutes is dedicated on deciding how the flow should be. How do I start? How do I make it funny? Will he like it? are the questions I ask myself right about now. First ,I put all my thoughts and feelings about the topic in words. Then I re-visit it over and over and over again to make changes, add a few jokes here and there and give it a complete look that it deserves. Finally, when I think this whole process has contributed to something worthy enough to publish, I re-read the whole thing again and make some more changes. This goes on for about 10 minutes up until the point my throat starts hurting due to the loud reading that I just did. To summarize – I could freaking win the lottery worth million bucks but you would still hear me complaining – “Why wasn’t it 10 million?”..Same with my post. Never ever satisfied with it.
The muhurat has arrived and I have just about memorized my entire post by now, so I know it’s time. I don’t really care how the post is at this point or what my friends would think of it. When your brain is exhausted from concentrating on one thing for a considerable period of time, you tend to behave this way towards the end. What started as writing for personal satisfaction has turned into something that requires other people’s approval to something that just needs to get out there before I go over to the dark side. To summarize – I click Publish.
So, that’s how I do it. A pro in the making, right? (Self-flattery is the best form of flattery most of the times, at least for me).
In all seriousness I just want to say that writing is not as easy as some people perceive it to be. It requires a lot of discipline and most importantly the belief that you can do it. I’m no writer and I would definitely not make the mistake of calling myself one. This is just my way of expressing myself on varied topics that affect me on a day to day basis. Some writers make it look very easy but I think they have their own process as well and it’s not very different than mine. To summarize – Go figure!
Subscribe for more Indian humor.