A little intro of what you’re getting into.
Prologue :- There comes a time when you know what to write, but you don’t know how or where to start? This is one of those times for me…
**After 15 minutes of brainstorming, finally a breakthrough**
They say, “Everyday is a new beginning”. Of what? The same old yesterday?
Habit is a dangerous thing and one that consumes all. It can be as trivial as editing this post over and over again before publishing it. I call that OCED (Obsessive Compulsive Editing Disorder) or it can be as significant as lying. Although, the best example in today’s context is uploading selfies and satisfying ones narcissistic appetite.
There are these things/habits/qualities (call it whatever) about me that makes me feel like an effing retard or different (not that both the terms can be used interchangeably) and yet, if a genie gave me a wish to do away with them, I’d still not take it.
To start with, I’m a raging loner, addicted to avoiding human contact in all form, by all means. People freak me out. Talking to them – don’t even get me started. I enjoy spending time with myself. I voluntarily opt to stay in my room all day either reading a book, blogging my thoughts or watching Howard Wolowitz and Raj Koothrappali be gay together – activities that don’t require a second person. Listening to music when I’m riding the train is my way of saying, “I ain’t interested in making small talk with you lady, even if we have to see each other everyday”. It’s as though I lead two different lives, one with my family, friends and colleagues all put together and the other with ME. Needless to say, the latter forms a large portion of my life and I like to keep it that way.
Secondly, I’m obsessed with sports. A girl can enjoy watching soccer, you know! without being looked upon as someone from outer space who has invaded earth and dared to turn the tables. Most of my childhood memories are of playing table tennis, badminton, soccer, throw-ball, cricket and watching grand slams. Criticisms from other parents for playing for two hours in the evening, a day before my board exams didn’t stop me from doing the one thing that gave me a reason to get up in the morning. Society is very judgmental. Unless you are Saina Nehwal or you have the capability to be one, one cannot play baddy without being labelled as job-less.
This brings me to my third frenzied habit – I give a flying fuck about everything. Some might say that it’s a good thing but trust me it isn’t. If you really want to hurt me, just walk up to me and say two hateful things and yes, I will :
Option A – Think about it for the next TWO WEEKS; or
Option B – Make PEACE with it; or
Option C – Find another REPLACEMENT
whichever is EARLIER.
It’s almost always Option C 😛
Fourth in line is my recently acquired addiction to be a girly girl just to get that “cute” boy to notice my existence. Girls have to be in a certain way (who decided that, God knows!). We have to keep our hair down, even if we hate it, we have to wear fitted t-shirts and slim-fit jeans, even if we have to apply two bottles of lotion to get them off. We have to wear animal printed tops and look like a freaking monkey because apparently people in Milan or Paris find that acceptable. When in Rome, be a roman but when in India, be anything but an Indian. I thought I was above all this and I was till recently, I realized that I have to succumb to these things if I want to feel included and most importantly, stop the “You’re a DUDE!” accusations.
Lastly, my extraordinary love for writing (even if it is merely making a To-Do list at work) goose pimples my soul even in my dreams. I write on my notepad, Ipad, ThinkPad and when I’m not writing in ink, I write in blood and breath – on the private pages of my consciousness that feeds on nothing but the written word. Come to think of it, I don’t write because I choose to, but because it chooses me.
Now comes the messed up part. Nobody knows I’m like this unless I have spelled it out to them. Given, my loner personality, I don’t have school friends who can vouch for my insanity.
No wonder, I like BLACK!!
I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested” – said Sheldon Cooper not me so you never know.
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